I went to a Ubiquitous Big Box Store yesterday (no, not The Great Satan, the other one) to look for some Halloween decorations. I wasn't looking for anything fancy, just some cardboard bats and maybe a black cat or two. Something to hang on the wall or put in the window to amuse the kids and get them in the mood for the only holiday celebrated in the US that does not yet totally disgust me. I figured there would be a selection of old-school stuff and the more modern plastic horror-movie crap that I could ignore.
To my consternation, there was not one thing in tyhe damn place besides some of their store displays that was not either:
1) cutesy-poo (glossy big eyes, long eyelashes, fat rosy cheeks, covered in glitter and '70s harvest colored paint),
2) movie and/or TV-themed, or
3) made of plasitc, with some sort of electronic noise-maker inside, and exuding one or more imitations of bodily fluids.
All these things lacked any subtlety, spookiness, or actual decorative value whatsoever.
I fear that Halloween has finally, after ecades of concerted effort by the Made in China holiday industry, gone so far over the line that I will start to hate and dread it from here on out.
All is not lost, of course. We will make our Halloween decorations this weekend from good, honest construction paper, crayons, and perhaps some googly eyes. No plastic voice box screaming out ridiculously unfunny Halloween puns required.
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