Marathon Day

Yesterday was the day from hell. I woke up before 6, got myself to work (which, in retrospect, was the most peaceful part of my day), worked my way through my glorious career, took the train back to my car, drove through the daily grind of rush hour a-holes, picked up my daughter (I just had time to change into shorts), and drove to my son's school, where the preeschool/daycare play was to be staged.

Now, I'm not the sort of parent who finds every school function just so precious I can hardly contain myself. In fact, unless my kids are on stage, I find the whole thing pretty horrifying. Maybe that makes me a bad person or a bad parent, but I think it just means that I'm saying what most of the rational people in the audience are thinking. Whatever. The whole thing would be about twice as tolerable if the following things could be eliminated:

1. Ass-murdering chairs: If I have to sit for two hours watching kids performing at their best and teachers mumblin through introductions, please consider my butt when planning the event. I don't like being in pain. When I am in pain, it makes sitting through a performance by children (which I do find valuable for them), well, painful. I don't think that's what you're going for.


2. Scheduling: I know it's hard to find a time that works for most people, but maybe school events could be kept to 30 minutes and scheduled later in the evening? Please? I need to eat. My kids need to eat. Being somewhere for 2 hours starting at 5:30 is a monumental burden on my already hectic schedule.


3. Planning: for the love of creamed corn, please tell me what you want me to do. I don't have time to guess. I can find the time to do really whatever you need me to do, whether it be making costumes or sets or just showing up at a particular time. What I can't do is guess about where I'm supposed to be or what I am suypposed to be doing. Put it in writing. I spend my days filtering out tons of extremely irrelevant data to get at the important bits. I sometimes can't shut that off once I leave work. If there's something posted on a wall somewhere, don't pretend it's of vital importance. If it's that important, write it down on a piece of paper and make sure that the piece of paper gets directly between the grasp of two or more of my fingers.

So, aside from these expected annoyances, the play went pretty well. There was supposed to be a BBQ afterward, but I hadn't planned to go to it. I had a soccer game to play right after. I was planning on being late to the game, but hoping to get there as soon as possible. I figured the kids would be able to get something to eat at the soccer place.

As the play progressed, with the little kids doing their thing before the older kids, I noticed that a bunch of people were walking around with food. That didn't seem to fit the schedule they'd posted, but whatever. As the thing came to a close, I noticed that the crowd was getting thinner and thinner. Turns out that people whose kids had already performed were heading right over and eating, then staying over where the food was. This meant that, becuase my boy's class was very last, I got to sit through everyone else's kids' performances, while they cooled their heels elsewhere, eating literally all the food.

Now again, I wasn't planning on eating there, but I found the whole thing incredible rude and inconsiderate. What was wrong with these people?

Having lived through my son's performance as a dragon who lived in a cave, I sped north to the indoor soccer facility, stopping along the way for money for the kids to get food. I got there in time to play in the second half. One half of a game is pretty unsatisfying, I have to say, especially when you lose really badly.

Once home (about 8:45 pm), I scarfed an avocado and some other food, then watered plants, cleaned up after the dog, who had found a whole package of fig newtons and eaten it, got the kids ready for bed, watered the backyard plants (have to get that drip system set up and the faucet replaced), made the boy's lunch for today, poured myself a finger of Old Forester, and flopped long enough to watch 15 minutes of Studio 60.

Then the boy was up. Then the dog needed out. Then I had to get coffee going for today.

I finally made it to bed, not too long after I should have. Then those Fig Newtons (whole grain with extra fiber, of course) started brewing in the dog's gut. She needed out. She wanted in. She needed out NOW!! She wanted in. This went on for 45 minutes or so. I finally got to shut my eyes at midnight:30, none too soon if you ask me.

Maybe if I can get in a solid 8 of sleep tonight, the whole day will seem funny to me tomorrow.